


Three Years On

by ZMarksTheSpot



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Clementine Has a Prosthetic Leg (Walking Dead), Clementine/Louis Fluff (Walking Dead: Done Running), Coming of Age, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Leaving Home, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZMarksTheSpot/pseuds/ZMarksTheSpot
Summary: Three years after Season 4. The Ericson group has settled into a safe and healthy normalcy, but tensions rise when Willy reveals that he wants to leave the school and strike out on his own. Clementine and the others must decide how to handle this news, while still dealing with the residual trauma of their pasts.
Relationships: Aasim/Ruby (Walking Dead: Done Running), Clementine & AJ, Clementine & Ruby (Walking Dead: Done Running), Clementine & Willy, Clementine/Louis (Walking Dead: Done Running)
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set at Ericson roughly 3 years after the end of Season 4. This follows the timeline where Violet died, Tenn survived, and Louis lost his tongue. Everyone else who survived to the end of S4 is still alive.
> 
> It’s also my first fic ever, so be gentle. : ) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

_The Community of Ericson; Three Years after the Delta Raid_

~~~~~

The lanky young man stood perched on the sentry post of the ivy-covered brick fortress, peering at the distant tree line. A warm summer’s breeze riffled through his long dreadlocks and he shook his head to keep the hair out of his eyes, and squinted to catch any sign of movement in the gathering dusk. The sun shone low over the horizon -- still light enough to see by, for now, but Louis knew it wouldn’t be long before dark. _It’s fine_ , he thought to himself, _Willy knows these woods like the back of his hand. Any second now he’s going to walk out of the brush and tell us he got lost chasing a squirrel or something_ . His fingers absently played with the referee’s whistle that he wore around his neck when on watch -- a remnant found among the school’s old gym supplies that he’d repurposed as a quick attention-getter. He scanned the view again. Years ago the trees nearest the wall had been cut back, to prevent any attackers from climbing up and getting a clear shot over the school’s walls, as the Delta raiders had three years before. This left a small clearing between the rusty iron gates and the pines of the surrounding forest. There was still no sign of movement among those trees, human or otherwise. Louis sighed, his brow furrowed. _Why hasn’t he gotten back yet?_

~~~

Down in the school courtyard, the rest of the Ericson survivors were focused on the same question. They had gathered around the empty flagpole: some pacing, some sitting and waiting silently, all shooting anxious glances out the gate, hoping to see the same wild-haired teenager emerging from the distant trees. A stout red-haired Southerner stopped her pacing, and stood looking toward the woods with her arms crossed in frustration.

“Where in the _hell_ is he? He was supposed to be back hours ago, it is nearly sundown. Christ, if that boy comes back saying he got lost, or got distracted because he was...chasing frogs down the river or some damn fool thing, then I swear to God…”

“There’s still some daylight left, Ruby.” Aasim chimed in from near the outer wall. “You know how Willy is. He goes his own way, but always makes it back.” Aasim’s words were encouraging, but his tone was not. It was clear to everyone around him that inside, Aasim was just as worried about Willy’s whereabouts as Ruby.

Ruby scowled. “Don’t I know it. I don’t know what’s gotten into that boy, tramping all over the woods like he’s at a damn summer camp, going _way_ outside the usual hunting grounds. And here we are just...just standing around _hoping_ that he’s not dead out there!”

“Willy knows what he’s doing. He knows these woods better than any of us.” This time it was Omar who spoke, seated on a nearby picnic table. The others knew that his words rang true. In the past three years, puberty and life had transformed Willy from the quirky, excitable little boy he’d once been into an agile, competent woodsman. As rambunctious and clumsy as he still was at home, somehow the teenaged Willy had taught himself to quiet that energy, and move swiftly and silently through the forest when he had to. By now he was the group’s best hunter and tracker, and could stalk and kill a deer or rabbit as silently as a whisper -- although once the hunt was over, he’d go back to tromping loudly through the underbrush on his way back home.

Ruby was unsatisfied. “Maybe so, but it is long past when he should have gotten back from his hunt. And I’m not going to sit around just assuming he’s okay while it gets darker out there. We have to send a search party out for him. Clem?”

All eyes turned toward the dark-haired young woman sitting on the edge of the low wall surrounding the central flagpole, a wooden crutch leaned next to her. Clementine sighed. Though she’d never officially been designated the leader of the group, she’d silently been given the mantle of decision-maker during the Delta attack and its bloody aftermath, and ever since then the group quietly and automatically deferred to her authority in challenging times. 

“Ruby’s right. If something did happen to Willy out there, we need to do what we can to find him while there’s still light. I don’t want any of us getting lost in the dark while we’re trying to rescue one of ours.” 

Clem picked up her crutch and made her way to a standing position. These days her left leg ended in a crude wooden prosthetic -- her “peg leg”, as Louis called it. Back when she’d started wearing it, he’d gleefully taken to writing phrases like “Ahoy, matey” and “Shiver me timbers!” on notes left conspicuously around the school for her to find. Mostly he just signed the letter “R” by itself repeatedly whenever she was nearby, followed by raising his eyebrows as if to say, “Get it? Get it?” 

This is not even to mention the “booty” puns. Clem had eventually had to give Louis a stern talking-to about leaving the more adult-themed pirate notes in places where AJ might accidentally find them.

This flash of pleasant memories was interrupted by a shot of pain from where the prosthetic met the stump of her leg. She winced in annoyance. _Still no getting used to this thing, even after all this time._ She knew the prosthetic would never be comfortable or all that easy to move with, but she relished only needing one crutch to get around. It left her right hand free to access the pistol holster slung on her right hip, in an emergency.

Once she was upright, she swiftly organized the search party. 

“We’ll split up into groups to cover more ground. Tenn -- go and fetch the lanterns. You’ll be teaming up with Omar.”

The black boy nodded, and ran toward the admin building to gather the lamps. Tennessee, too, had grown up in the last three years. Now a teenager, his growth spurt had caused him to shoot up like a redwood tree. He was now nearly as tall as Louis, and probably not finished growing. Despite his sudden height and deep, crackling speaking voice, he still had the energy of the quiet, introverted child he once was. He rarely ever spoke up in group meetings, but when a task was assigned to him, he always sprang stoically into action, as if to atone for past mistakes and prove his value as a member of the group.

“Ruby and Aasim, you’ll go together. Bring the dogs, one for each group. AJ…” She hesitated before sending him out. Alvin Jr. had stood up from his place near Tenn, and was already checking his knife and pistol. He looked up at her with his hard, battle-ready eyes, silently asking whether she trusted him to join the search party rather than staying at home. She could tell he wanted to go find his friend, and would be hard pressed to take no for an answer unless she could offer a good reason. _Pick your battles, Clementine_ . “AJ, you’ll go with Louis. Let him know the plan. _Be careful!_ ”

AJ nodded seriously and ran toward the sentry post to give Louis the update.

Omar approached Clementine. “You sure you’re okay staying on watch here by yourself, Clem?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll have Rosie with me. Just be back as soon as you can.” She grimaced at the sentry post. She didn’t relish hauling herself up the rope they’d installed to help her climb the ladder to the watch platform on one leg, but she didn’t have much choice. There was no one else to stay unless one of the search parties was a team of one, which was the problem they were trying to solve in the first place. _And, it’s not like I can exactly join them out there with this._ As usual, the pain of her lost leg diminished next to the pain of not being able to join the group on missions like these. A walk in the woods in broad daylight with AJ or one of the dogs as a spotter was one thing, but taking part in a search past sunset with unknown threats in the darkness was not going to happen.

The group swiftly scattered to gather the necessary tools. Ruby and Aasim came back having rounded up three dogs. Two years before, the group had encountered a traveling merchant passing through their part of the forest, who’d been traveling with a scruffy German Shepherd he’d agreed to sell in exchange for food and supplies. The group had accepted the creature as a companion to the now-aging Rosie, and had settled on naming it ‘Marlon’. Tenn had posited, “I think Marlon would have liked to come back as a dog”, which had sold the rest of the group on the idea. (Louis then started rapid-fire signing about a movie he’d once seen with this premise, but the others quickly lost interest. Faded memories of pre-apocalypse entertainment like movies never felt like a satisfying topic of conversation anymore.) Not long after this, “Marlon” and Rosie had produced a small litter of two puppies, who the group, in keeping with the naming convention, had named ‘Mitch’ and ‘Violet’.

“I think that’s everything. Are we ready to--” Ruby’s sentence was interrupted to three short blasts from Louis’ whistle. Everyone turned to the sentry tower to see Louis pointing and waving towards the tree line. They all moved their eyes to the trees just in time to see Willy emerge from the forest, disheveled but unharmed, and stand illuminated by the orange evening sun.

~~~

Willy was filthy. He was covered in dried muck and grime as if he’d been crawling through mud, and his massive mane of hair was even more matted and dirty than usual. Several dead rabbits hung from his belt -- clearly the spoils of his overlong hunt -- and he stood with a mix of defiant teen bravado and sheepishness at the trouble he knew he was about to be in.

Aging hadn’t granted Willy the gift of height the way it had Tenn. In fact he only stood a few inches taller than he had when Clementine first arrived at Ericson. But in his copious time spent exploring the forests and waterways surrounding his home, he’d developed a lean, wiry strength, as well as impressive stamina and agility. His green eyes sparkled with a cocky wit, balanced by the dopey, genuine smile that lit up his face when he was excited. To the eyes of an outsider, he might even have been considered handsome.

As Willy made his way across the clearing and through the gates, Ruby strode across the courtyard, directly at him. “Where,” she seethed, “in the ever-loving _fuck_ were you?! We all thought you were dead out there! We were about to send out a search party! Do you have any idea how worried we were about you?!”

“Ruby…” Aasim tried half-heartedly to caution her, but she only held up a pointer finger in his direction. He got the message and retreated.

“This is unacceptable, Willy! I don’t know what you were thinking, staying out hours past when you were supposed to be back, and without telling a soul where you were planning on going.”

Willy snapped back -- “Lay off me, Ruby. I’m fine. The sun hasn’t even set yet, there’s plenty of daylight left. I know what I’m doing.”

“And we’re supposed to just be okay with that? You could have run into a horde! Or raiders! You know the type of freaks that roam around out there!”

“Ruby, I know how to handle walkers, I’m not two years old. And raiders too. I can run, I can climb, and I know all the shortcuts out there.”

“That is not good enough for me. What is the matter with you lately? Do you know how many times you’ve been late coming back from a job because you were out who-knows-where, “exploring”? This is not the first time you’ve done this, although it’s certainly the latest you’ve come back!"

Willy grumbled under his breath, “Well, maybe it won’t be the last time either.”

Ruby looked agog. The rest of the group had quietly backed up to avoid direct blasts from the brewing fight, but stayed within hearing range. “Ex-CUSE me, _what_ did you just say to me young man?!”

“‘Young man?’ Listen to yourself. I know you love acting like the mother hen around here, but believe it or not, you’re not my mom, Ruby!” Willy moved off, red in the face -- with anger or embarrassment, it wasn’t clear.

Ruby looked stunned for a moment, as if she’d been slapped. When she spoke again, it was with a different, quieter frustration. “Who raised you from the time you were five years old, Willy? When the walkers came, and you were just a frightened, lost little boy, who protected you, and gave you shelter, and put food in your mouth? This group did that --”

“Yeah, the group did! Not you by yourself! And that doesn’t mean you get to tell me what I can and can’t do with my time. I’m not a little kid anymore, Ruby! And you can’t keep treating me like one!”

Ruby stared at him, a complex mix of emotions in her eyes. Then she abruptly turned and stalked away from him across the courtyard. As she passed Aasim, she muttered, “I just -- I can’t do this right now, I don’t know what to say to him. You deal with this”, and angrily began starting a fire for dinner.

“Buddy…” Aasim said to him, “you’re my friend and I don’t want to say this, but you’re being an asshole right now. Whatever beef you’re having with Ruby, you need to work it out and quit doing stuff like this. She was really worried about you -- we all were.”

Willy sulked. “I wasn’t out that late, I know what I’m doing, and I’m fine. I wish everyone would just start trusting me more!”

Clem snapped. “Okay, that’s enough. Willy, I get that you don’t like being scolded, but we can’t trust you if you don’t communicate. Ruby is right. Staying out this late without telling any of the rest of us where you were going was not cool. It’s not fair to us, and it’s reckless. And these days, doing reckless shit is what gets people killed, or worse. And you know that.” A silence fell, and Willy’s eyes dropped, as if a reprimand from Clementine had hit harder than all of Ruby’s outrage. Clem’s voice softened. “That said...I’m glad you’re okay.”

The group was still. Louis, who had come down from the watch platform when Willy arrived, stood off to the side staring at the ground in secondhand embarrassment.

Willy stood for a moment, then stomped off towards the dormitories, unhooking the rabbits from his belt and tossing them with unnecessary force into Omar’s hands. Halfway to the dorms he stopped, took a tense breath, and turned back to the survivors in the courtyard. 

“I’m...I’m sorry for staying out so late and not telling people. That wasn’t the way we do things. I’m sorry I made you all worry about me.” He paused and took another breath, thick with emotion. “I just...I...this whole…” he trailed off, either looking for the words for what he wanted to express, or trying to find the strength. His face had gone red again, this time with shame. “I’m sorry. I’m just...sorry.” Then he turned and stalked through the dormitory doors toward his room, leaving the others to wonder what the hell had just happened.

~~~

The Ericson survivors ate their dinner quietly. At least the rabbits Willy had provided were large, and made for a good stew. Ruby and Aasim ate by themselves at the far end of the courtyard. Rosie, the faithful bulldog, had wandered toward them, enticed by the smell of food. The old dog was twelve and mostly blind by now, and walked slowly on her creaky joints. She padded over to the bench and rested her head on Ruby’s thigh as the woman gently scratched behind her ears in the spot that Rosie liked. The younger dogs, tired out from chasing a ball that AJ had been throwing for them while Omar cooked dinner, lay panting on the patchy grass as the sun finally finished setting.

Clem, AJ, Omar, Tenn, and Louis sat together eating at a bench, quietly discussing the recent changes in their friend. Willy hadn’t been seen since storming off to the dormitories. They all assumed he was waiting until Ruby and Aasim went to bed, so as to avoid a repeat of their argument earlier in the evening, and Omar had set aside a bowl of stew for him. Now that the greenhouse was consistently producing vegetables, Omar’s meals had improved and expanded. Lately he’d even been trying to teach the others his recipes, with mixed results -- Tenn was the only one with the patience to be a successful cook. 

Omar and Clementine were in hushed discussion, with the other three listening, and Louis occasionally interjecting in sign language, or with a note scribbled on the sheaf of papers he always carried with him.

“I know Willy and Ruby butt heads sometimes, but it feels like lately it’s gotten worse,” said Clem. “These last few weeks, they’ve really been at each other’s throats. I don’t understand it.”

“Longer than that. I’ve noticed them getting tense with each other for months. And you know how Willy’s excursions have been going further and further afield. This isn’t the first time he’s been back late.”

Clem nodded. “It’s like he’s testing his boundaries -- with the forest, and with the group. I know he’s a good tracker and can handle himself, but it makes me wonder what more he gets up to out there.”

“Or what he’s got planned.”

AJ twiddled his spoon between his fingers as he thought. His table manners had improved, but he was still always the first of the group to clean his plate. “Willy’s been acting weird. Like, he’s still Willy, he’s still fun, but he’s...different. It’s like he doesn’t like being around here anymore. He’s always getting distracted, like he wants to be somewhere else.” AJ looked sullenly at the fire, and Clem felt a pang of sympathy for him. When they had first joined the Ericson community, Clem had been grateful that AJ finally had other kids around to play with, and for him to feel like he was part of a group. Even though Tenn and Willy were both quite a bit older than AJ, they were still the youngest of the survivors by a good margin, and the three had formed a tight group in those early years. But the older boys had grown up fast, and the differences, both in stature and interests, were impossible to ignore. She could tell that AJ, who’d always behaved a bit like an adult in a child’s body, resented being left behind by biology, and that he missed his playmates. Even his friendship with Tenn seemed more distant nowadays than it had before. 

Louis nodded at AJ’s observation, and scribbled a note that he slid to the middle of the table for the group’s benefit. _“He’s restless. 15 is a hard age. A lot changes.”_

Clem shot a quick smirk at Louis. “Your brain stopped developing at 15, so you’d be the one to know.” 

He winked, and signed back, _“That’s what you like about me.”_

Clem smiled, then turned back to the group. “Seriously, though, I think Louis is right, and so is AJ. Willy’s fifteen, He’s probably going through a lot, whether he wants us to know it or not, and he’s acting out. I guess that being a teenager was hard even back in the old times…” She thought back to half-remembered, overheard conversations between her parents, discussing the latest dramas involving Clem’s older cousin, Samantha. She’d apparently had a rough time of high school, always landing in trouble with the cops, or drinking, or partying with what Clem’s aunt Tonya had described as “a bad crowd” in long, tearful phone calls with Clementine’s mother. “...I guess none of us ever got a chance to find out.”

There was a silence as the group thought back to their lives before the world changed, and the mysterious, walker-free teenage years that they’d missed out on. Clementine idly wondered whether Samantha or Aunt Tonya had survived the apocalypse and might still be out there wandering, or in a survivor colony of their own. _Probably not_ , she decided. 

Omar looked at the cooling stew pot, with the serving they’d left over for Willy. “I don’t think Willy’s coming down any time soon. Tenn, would you mind taking him his dinner? You’re probably the person he’ll be least pissed to see right now.”

Tenn nodded, and got up to deliver the bowl of lukewarm, congealing stew. “Yeah,” he said in his soft baritone, “I’ll see if he...wants to talk. Or anything.” 

Tenn walked off toward the dorms alone. Louis tried to break the tension among the remaining group with one of his usual card games, but no one’s heart was in it. And after a short while attempting to ignore the obvious, everyone gradually split off from the table and made their way to bed.

~~~~~ 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willy reveals the reason for his rebellious behavior. Ruby and Clementine privately clash over their response to Willy's decision.  
> ~~~

The mood the next morning was tense, but the day passed without incident. Neither Ruby nor Willy openly said a word acknowledging their fight the night before, but the effects of the unspoken incident were palpable in the air. Willy was assigned to greenhouse duty, a task that he normally complained about, but today he seemed distracted, and quietly went to the work with a preoccupied look. Later in the day, Willy and Tenn were seen with their heads together at the far end of the courtyard, discussing something in hushed tones.

Day turned into evening, and Clem and the others thought that maybe the fallout from the fight would blow over after another night’s sleep. But that night after dinner, the dam finally broke.

Omar, Aasim, Clem, Louis, and AJ were gathered around the picnic table, finishing the thin but surprisingly filling fish soup that Omar had prepared, when an angry shout from the other end of the quad pulled their attention away from the meal. 

“No! Absolutely not!”

Everyone’s heads turned simultaneously in the direction of the raised voices from outside the Admin building. They saw Ruby and Willy facing each other on the steps. At the moment, Ruby was shouting, while Willy stood firm with a defiant glare. Tenn stood back a ways behind Willy, as if for moral support, but looking downcast and uncomfortable.

“That is not happening, what the hell are you talking about?” Gone was the warm-hearted, maternal woman that Ruby normally presented to the world. She sounded furious, and scared.

“I’m not asking for your permission, Ruby, I’m telling you what I’ve decided. I’ve thought about this, and I know what I want. Tenn said he agreed with me!

“You can’t just decide that on your own, Willy! Something like this affects the group! The whole group! 

By this time, the group themselves had stood and moved toward the steps to see what was happening, Clem moving with surprising swiftness on her crutch and wooden leg.

“What’s going on?” Omar asked.

Ruby wheeled toward the group. “He said that he wants to leave. Leave Ericson, and travel on his own.”

A ripple of shock and surprise moved through the half-circle of onlookers.

Aasim stepped forward. “Is that true, Willy? You want to leave the school?”

Willy paused and gulped at the five new sets of eyes staring at him waiting for an answer, then straightened up and said, “Yeah. It’s true. I’m sorry but, I just...I have to go. I’ve known for a while, and I think it’s time.”

Tenn glanced at the others. “I knew. He told me last night, after dinner. And we talked about it again today.” Tenn’s voice caught in his throat, then he looked back at his feet and added, “...I told him he should do it.”

The others stood in shock for a moment, digesting this new information. Ruby turned back toward Willy and snapped at him, “Well I think it’s a stupid, dangerous idea. What, you got a little bored and you’re just deciding to go out on your own?”

“Ruby -- I want to leave. I can’t stay here anymore. It’s not that I don’t care about the group, or you, or anyone, it’s just -- I have to know what’s out there.”

“I can’t believe you’d say something like that. You know how dangerous the outside is!”

“I know, and I know I can handle it! I’ll be careful!”

“This whole idea is just reckless and selfish! The only reason you’ve survived this long is because of this school and this group. Our protection, our food--”

“You sound like that woman from the Delta.”

This stopped Ruby. She sucked in a gasp of air, looking dazed and stunned.

Willy continued, “Isn’t that what they said when they tried to get Omar and Louis and Violet to surrender on the boat? And how they did all that shit to Minerva’s mind when she and Sophie were with them? ‘Stay with us, we have food, we have walls, we’ll protect you.’”

Ruby whispered, “You weren’t there--”

“And neither were you!” He wheeled toward Louis and Clem. “You were there. Isn’t that what she said? That same thing?” Louis’ face was hard, his jaw clenched, with no trace of the usual smile dancing through his eyes. He gave no indication of an answer, just looked away in pain, remembering the worst day of his life when he was mutilated on the Delta riverboat. Clem softly put her free hand on the small of his back to try and comfort him, but he made no response.

Aasim stepped forward, physically putting himself in between Ruby and Willy.“Ruby is not like Lilly”, he shot at the disheveled boy. “Not anything like her, and she never has been. You can’t really mean that, Willy. You know we’re nothing like them!”

No one said a word, fearfully wondering if Willy had meant what he said. Willy stood grinding his teeth a few long moments, before muttering, “...I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. We’re not like Delta.” He paused and took a breath. “I know that this is a lot. And I didn’t mean to spring it on you like this. It’s not anything against you all. You’re my family. But this place...it’s great, but it’s the only place I’ve ever known. Nearly as far back as I can remember. And for a long time that was fine, but lately…” He grunted in frustration, trying to find the words. “For so long I’ve been wondering what’s on the other side of those hills, what’s outside the forest. And I know it’s dangerous, I’m not stupid. And I’m not reckless -- I would never do something to put the rest of you guys in danger. I know how to protect myself, and I can hide when danger comes. I can climb trees, or blend into the woods, stay quiet. I know to travel down rivers to hide my scent if I think I’m being followed. I promise, I’ll be safe.”

Ruby rallied. “Willy, you can’t know that. It’s really, really bad out there. Anything could happen -- a walker could surprise you when you’re not expecting them. Or strangers -- you know the stories we hear from the traders: those wars between the raider factions are still going on out there.”

Willy shook his head. “I know there’s a lot out there that’s bad, but, what about the stuff that’s good? What if there’s a lot that’s really good out there that we just haven’t seen yet because we’ve been hiding here all this time? And dangerous things can still get us here, too. Just because we have walls doesn’t make us totally safe.”

He took a deep breath and continued, finally pouring out all that had been building up inside him for months, or even years.

“I know it’s dangerous, but I have to know. I know the risks, and I’m willing to take them. And I have to do something on my own, for myself. Making my own decisions, not just waiting to be told what to do and assuming I’ll be protected.

“I appreciate everything you guys have done for me. But I’m not a kid anymore. This school is stifling me, and if I don’t explore now, I don’t know if I ever will. I don’t mean forever, I promise I’ll come back after a while. But I just wanted to see land where I haven’t been before. Other mountains.”

There was a long silence, as everyone digested Willy’s words. It was as if they were waiting for someone to make a decision, and with a familiar sinking feeling in her stomach, Clementine realized that hers was the voice of authority that they were waiting for, whether they said so or not. And in that silence, she knew what her answer was. She shifted her weight on her crutch, and swung forward a step, to look Willy in the eye.

“Willy,” she said softly, “I think you’re right. You’re old enough to decide, and if you want to go, you should go.”

Clem felt everyone’s eyes fully turn to her, as they registered what she’d said. She looked around the group to gauge the reactions. Ruby looked shocked, and Aasim’s brow was furrowed with concern. Tenn’s face was unreadable, and Omar’s eyes were darting back and forth between Willy, Clem, and Ruby as if trying to work out where his opinion landed if this came to a vote. Willy himself was looking at her with surprised gratitude in his face. They locked eyes, and he whispered, “Thank you, Clem.”

Aasim chimed in from his place next to Ruby. “Look, something like this affects the whole group. If we’re split on how to handle this...maybe it should be put to the group to decide.”

There was a quiet murmur of reaction from the bystanders, unsure of how to react to this. Ruby shot Aasim a look, then took a step directly towards Clementine. “Clem--” she said sternly, “you and I need to talk about this. Alone.” Then she turned and stalked through the doors and down the short hallway to the music room, not waiting for Clementine to follow. Clem glanced at the group, none of whom responded, and then she adjusted her hold on the crutch and followed to meet Ruby inside.

~~~

The music room was flickering with the dim glow of a lantern, and the orange light of the sunset peeking through the grimy front windows. Clementine found Ruby leaning on the piano, her face turned away from the entrance but her body language taught and distressed. On hearing her enter the room, Ruby stood and turned toward Clementine. “Clem, are you serious? Are you really entertaining the idea of just letting him go out on his own? You know more than any of us how dangerous it is out there!”

Clem shifted her weight, trying to find the right balance point to ease the pain below her knee, and still stand straight to meet Ruby’s eye. “Willy’s old enough to decide for himself, and that’s what it comes down to.”

“He is fifteen years old! He’s a child! In the old world, he wouldn’t even have a driver’s license yet, and you expect him to go survive on his own with walkers and raiders and who knows what else?”

“Well it’s not the old world anymore, you said it yourself. And I was on my own raising AJ from when I was eleven. I survived.”

“And how many times did you nearly get killed? Or AJ? You got lucky. And besides, Willy’s not like you. He doesn’t have the strength that you had.”

“How do you know he doesn’t? I think you’re underestimating him.” Clementine softened. “Look, I get that you want to protect Willy. I get that you feel responsible for him. But at some point, you can’t protect him forever, he has to grow up eventually. We all knew that we’d reach a point like this sooner or later. You have to let him leave the nest.”

Ruby scowled. “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve only been here for three years. We were here, as a community, protecting each other,  _ surviving _ together for  _ eight years _ before you showed up at Ericson. We’ve been taking care of Willy since he was  _ five _ . Barely more than a baby.” Ruby stared into Clementine’s eyes. “How would you feel if it was AJ who wanted to leave? You say this is inevitable, what if in a few years he decides he’s old enough to go exploring on his own, would you just say, “Okay, Alvin Junior, good luck, don’t get yourself eaten!” and let him walk out those gates?”

Clementine’s heart felt a sharp pang. She broke away from the other woman’s eyes and looked away at the piano to think. Ruby’s words had struck a nerve. As much as she wanted to stick to her point, she knew that letting AJ go would not come easily under any circumstances. Not after what they’d been through. “That’s different,” she protested.

“How is it any different?” Ruby asked. Clementine didn’t respond.

Ruby’s voice quavered when next she spoke. “I don’t want to be the bad guy, Clem. It’s not that I’m mad at you, I love you, and Willy, and everyone else in this school. And I hate that I’m in a position where I have to act like a bitch and yell at people -- that’s not me! But it’s because I love everyone here I can’t just let any of them walk away into danger.”

Clem looked back at her. “I know you do.” She paused, and collected her thoughts. “Look...I’ve seen people leave groups before. I know what it looks like, when they’re getting too restless, or unsatisfied to the point that they’re willing to take their chances alone. They don’t wait around for the group to decide what to let them do -- if they’ve decided to leave, then they just go. Sometimes they don’t even say goodbye, just...slink off in the night and disappear.” Clem thought about Jane slipping away from the shelter the night AJ was born, and about Bonnie and Mike trying to sneak away with the truck not long after. The old gunshot scar on her left shoulder ached with the memory. “I see that look on Willy. In fact, I can’t believe I didn’t recognize it for what it was before now. He’s going to leave, no matter what the group tries to decide for him. Maybe not right away, but eventually. It’s not like we can lock him up to keep him here. And the thing is, if we don’t respect his decision and he just leaves one day without our blessing...I don’t know if he’ll ever come back.”

Ruby had been staring out the window at the setting sun through Clementine’s speech. After a moment, she turned to look at Clem face to face, her eyes red and watering, and said through gritted teeth, “He can’t come back either way if he’s dead.” She turned and stalked toward the hallway, stopping and turning back at the door. 

“We haven’t lost anyone in three years. Not since Violet. Not one life. Do you realize how lucky that is, in a world like this? And I’ll be damned if I lose someone like this!” Her voice broke, and choking back tears, Ruby stormed out of the room, leaving Clementine standing alone, clenching the handle of her crutch with a tight fist.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine and Louis process the day's events in bed at night. Clementine grapples with the trauma and guilt from her years of survival in apocalypse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clouis Hurt/Comfort. Brief sex mention, but nothing explicit. A bit of angst, a bit of fluff to cleanse the palate.  
> (I'm really proud of how this chapter turned out, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!)

After night had fallen, Clem eased open the door to her room and swung inside. Louis was already inside, sitting on the bed with a book, though from his expression it was clear that he’d been waiting up for her rather than actually reading. A candle flickered dimly in a lantern on the bedside table, and Louis was dressed in the sweatpants and month-eaten t-shirt he wore as pajamas. He looked up and signed at her,  _ What happened? _

Clem shook her head. “No decision yet. Ruby was pretty upset, and Aasim didn’t look happy either when I came back outside. I think he blamed me for pissing her off. In a way, he might be right...but, we all agreed to talk it out more in the morning, see if we can come to a consensus. I didn’t see Willy, he went to his room while Ruby and I were inside. Tenn’s bunking with him tonight, so he can talk to someone if he needs to. And to make sure he doesn’t sneak off in the middle of the night.”

_ AJ okay sleeping alone? _

Clem nodded. “Rosie’s in his room tonight for company. I think he wanted to be alone anyway, to figure out how he feels about the whole thing. He had that serious, problem-solving look on his face. I told him to come get me if he needs anything.”

The dormitory sleeping arrangements had shifted as Louis and Clementine’s relationship had progressed. Eventually they’d realized they were sharing each other’s bed more nights than not, and had tentatively decided to try Clementine moving into Louis’ room -- which had been a tricky transition for AJ. By then he’d come to like and trust Louis as something like a parental figure, but he was still intensely protective of Clem, and had insisted on spending his nights in a sleeping bag laid out on Louis’ floor for weeks after the move. The couple had acquiesced, for lack of a convincing reason against the idea. This had led to the awkward balancing act of trying to explain to a then-seven-year-old AJ that the grown-ups might have reasons they’d want to share a bed together without a guest in the room, without actually specifying what those reasons were. But then they’d hit on the compromise of AJ rooming with Tennessee for a while -- “For Tenn’s protection” had been the magic phrase. The two boys had immediately hit it off as roommates, and now shared the bunk-bed room that had once been AJ and Clementine’s, and which was now fully covered in art and drawings by Tenn and AJ.

Clem made her way to the bed and sat down with a heavy sigh. Louis looked at her face, trying to interpret her strained expression.

_ How’s the leg? _ he signed.

Clem grimaced. “Fucking killing me.”

_ Want me to rub it for you? _

“God, that sounds amazing.” Clem reached down and unstrapped the crude wood prosthetic from her lower leg, relishing in the release. “Sometimes I wonder if this thing is even worth it.”

_ Worth it to have your gun-hand free. _

“True.” She started getting undressed to change into her sleeping clothes, and paused to bend the stiff left knee back and forth. “It’s the cramps that are the worst part. No foot to stretch out, so you can’t do anything when it cramps up down there.”

_ Worse than phantom itch? _

This was a running routine with them. “Hmm. Phantom itch sucks more while it’s happening because you  _ really _ can’t do anything about it, but the cramping involves more actual pain. Which sucks equally.”

_ Could be worse. At least your foot didn’t have taste buds. _

She rolled her eyes. “Hey, you’re the one who’s supposed to be pampering me right now. Don’t try to one-up me over our missing-limb trauma. Not tonight, running-man.”

Louis smiled and winked at her. His face looked worn, and somehow older than it normally did. Clem could tell that the argument earlier that evening had brought the swirl of painful memories and emotions in Louis’ heart floating up to the surface. But, these moments when they were alone, teasing and flirting with each other, seemed to soften him, and bring back some of the usual, light-hearted Louis that she’d fallen for. Clem knew that Louis’s carefree, witty persona served as a disguise to hide the pain far more often than he wanted the others to believe. She reached out and put a hand on his stubbly face. “Hey,” she whispered, “I love you.” They gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment, silently reading each other’s feelings more deeply than they could with sign language, or a notepad, or even with speech, then leaned into each other for a warm, gentle kiss. After a long moment, Clem pulled out of the kiss and batted Louis on the shoulder. “Now where’s this leg massage I’ve been promised?” Louis gave her a “lie down” gesture, then kneeled in front of the bed and started working on her sore leg with his strong musician’s fingers.

Clem leaned back on a haphazard pile of pillows, and closed her eyes as the sharp protestations of pain from her stiff leg and hip muscles gradually gave way to gentle relaxation. As Louis worked, she filled him in on her debate with Ruby in the music room, Louis only occasionally breaking away from the massage to sign a question. 

Louis’ sign language had evolved over the years into a unique sort of pidgin, heavily modified from the sign language that he and the group had taught themselves from books found in the school’s old library. He and Clem spent so much time together that they’d organically developed their own shorthand, and usually could get the sense of what the other was saying just through facial expressions and body language alone. Louis still sometimes used handwritten notes, but over the years blank paper and writing implements were starting to become scarce even in a school, and he’d been trying to reduce his reliance on that mode of communication, to be prepared for the hopefully-unlikely possibility of needing to flee the school after another attack. He’d briefly tried using chalk and a small portable blackboard that they’d found in an old supply closet, but the screeching sound of chalk on slate irritated Louis so much that he’d abandoned it within a week and stuffed the board in a closet, “as a last resort only.”

The sharp pains in Clementine’s leg subsided to the dull background ache that she’d grown used to, and the couple gradually shifted to lying down and spooning together on the bed, the dim candlelight casting their shadows on the wall in front of them. But as the physical pain subsided, Clem felt her own emotional pain rise to replace it. The two lay there in silence for several minutes, Clem staring at the shifting shadows and feeling her mind churn and churn. 

Louis, clearly reading her silent distress, lightly tapped Clem’s arm to get her attention, and she rolled over to put him in her eyeline. 

_ Want to talk about it? _

Clem sighed and stared up at the ceiling above the creaky bed. “I just hope I’m making the right decision. What if Ruby’s right? It’s so dangerous out there, and Willy wants to travel by himself. We’ve got a good thing here. I know I said I wanted to let him make his own choice, but, what if he chooses something that gets him hurt, or worse? Now that I’m not in the middle of an argument, I just keep picturing ways that it could go wrong.”

As she thought out loud, Louis squeezed her hand and gently stroked up and down her arm. The relative security of a permanent home had given Clementine the chance to experiment with her personal expression, and by now she had a number of rough stick-and-poke tattoos running up and down her arm and shoulder. With some painful trial and error, she’d re-learned the process that Jane had taught her years before, and had supplemented AJ’s initials with images of flowers, constellations, and a crude rendering of a dragonfly that Tennessee had drawn for her. On her left bicep, an intricate design of interlocking shapes was placed to obscure -- or at least modify -- the twisted burn scar of her New Frontier brand, an association she no longer wished to be reminded of. On her left knee, near where the leg ended, was a picture of a phoenix -- an idea that she’d at first rejected for being too obvious, but an insistent campaign from Louis that it would be “so fucking badass!” had eventually changed her opinion.

Louis broke away from stroking her arm to sign:

_Just because things are good here now doesn’t mean they’ll always be. You’ve seen safe places fall before. In some ways,_ _he might even be safer out there. On the move, where he can hide._

“That’s true... I’m just having trouble convincing myself to believe it.”

Louis collected his thoughts, and absently stroked the jagged suture scar that ran down the back on Clementine’s left arm. She’d told him the stories behind all her scars, and that was the one that made him shudder with disgust and horror every time he thought about it. He rolled to face Clem and free his hands for his next response.

_ You trusted your gut. Your instinct told you that trusting Willy to make his own decision was the right choice. And I have  _ never -- he stared at her straight in the eyes significantly on this --  _ met anyone with instincts as strong as yours. You wouldn’t have survived all those years on your own if you didn’t.  _ He smiled at her.  _ I always trust you to make the right decision, Clem.  _

Clem looked back at him with sad eyes and stroked the back of his hand. “I wish I could believe that. I definitely do not always make the right decisions.” A well of deep, old sadness bubbled up from her soul, and her eyes brimmed with tears. “I really wish I did…”

Suddenly, the swirling sea of her thoughts rose into a wave of grief, of old pain and memories still as powerful as they had been years before. A choked sob rose into Clementine’s throat, and she threw herself against Louis in a tight, desperate embrace. Visions of lost friends and old failures swirled in her mind. Omid, Luke, Sarah, Kenny, Violet.  _ Lee. _ Louis squeezed his arms tight around her, letting her small body shake with quiet sobs against him. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, letting the tears flow as they had many times before, on other sleepless nights curled together on this rusty bed, pouring their years of pain and trauma out together. Louis was crying now too, his tearful face pressing into Clementine’s curly hair. His hands were behind her, rubbing her back and holding their bodies tightly together, but the intent behind his motions was clear even without signing.  _ It’s okay, I’m here; It’s okay, I’m here _ , and  _ I love you; I love you; I love you; I love you _ .

Clementine gasped in between wracking sobs, her fingers tightly curled into the soft fabric of Louis’ shirt. “I’ve lost so many people, Louis. So much...death. And so many of them--” she choked back a moan of grief and gritted her teeth to force out the words she needed to say. “...So many of them were my fault! Ever since I was a little kid, people have died to protect me… and I got them killed…And if Willy goes out there, and gets killed, because I told him he could...if his death was my fault too...Oh, god, Louis…” and she fell into wordless grief. They’d been down this road together before, and all Louis could do was to hold his darling Clementine ever tighter to his chest, and hope she could feel the words he desperately wished he could say aloud, that he hoped his hands and skin and breath were communicating for him:  _ It’s not your fault; I’m here; It’s not your fault; I love you; I love you; I love you... _

They stayed embraced like that, until the great storm of emotion had run its course, then for a long time lay red-eyed and depleted in the aftermath.

Gradually Clementine’s breath leveled, but she kept her face nuzzled into the comforting warmth of Louis’ neck, now moist with her tears. She could feel his heart beating quickly in his chest, but its rhythmic pulse was soothing in its own way. It felt like a reminder that they were both here, still alive and human, together. After a last breath of Louis’ distinctive scent, Clem slowly sat up on the bed and found a threadbare towel in the drawer underneath the bedside table, proceeding to wipe off her tear-stained face.

“Been a while since I had one of those,” she muttered through the thick fog in her throat. “I was starting to wonder when it would come around again.” She turned the towel to Louis and started to clean his chest. “Sorry for the mess…”

He lay back and looked up at her with love in his eyes.  _ A little mucus never hurt anyone. Besides, crying’s good for you. Can’t keep all that stress pent up. Look at us, healthily expressing our emotions. _ They cleaned themselves up silently for a few long moments, then Louis added,  _ Hey Clem -- Do walkers still have snot? _

She laughed in spite of herself at the unexpected question. “Do they what?”

_ It’s a serious question. Obviously they still have blood, and I think I’ve seen them drooling, so that begs the question of what other fluids they have sloshing around in there. After ten years, you’d think I would have wondered about that before, but no, this is a first. _

Clem shook her head and shoved him weakly. “That is so gross. You idiot.” Inside, she was marveling at Louis’ ability to make her laugh even in the darkest moments. “How did I get so lucky…” she murmured out loud, before softly nestling her body against his again. They lay together, still and silent for a long while, holding each other against the darkness, and the fear and pain raging both outside the walls and inside their souls. After a while, Clem looked up into Louis’ freckled face. “You really think I’m making the right call with Willy?”

He nodded.  _ I stand by what I said about your instincts. Talk to Ruby tomorrow. I have a feeling she’s not saying everything she means. _

“I think Ruby gets angry when she’s scared. Scared of losing someone, or of something bad happening. And she lashes out because of that.”

Louis poked her on the nose, as an “affirmative.”  _ Sounds like someone else I know _ . He paused, and gently tucked aside a lock of her hair that had fallen across her face.  _ Willy looks up to you, more than anyone else in this camp. He values your opinion. We all do. Today, you stood up for his right to choose his own fate for once instead of letting everyone decide for him. You don’t know how much that must mean to him. You let him know that you trust him as an adult _ .

Louis smiled, his red-rimmed eyes soft and caring.

_ Willy will remember that. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clementine and Ruby have a heart-to-heart outside the greenhouse, and try to come to an understanding around what to do about Willy.

The next day, Clementine woke to a quiet stillness, with the soft morning light falling through the window. She had slept fitfully, waking up from nightmares several times to cuddle into Louis’ protective warmth again, but eventually they each had gotten a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Judging from the light, she figured she’d woken up later than usual, but felt surprisingly refreshed despite the inconsistent sleep she’d gotten the night before. Sleeping light and squeezing every drop of rest and energy from the catnaps you could get was a skill one picked up traveling alone in the apocalypse. She rose from the bed, deciding to let Louis sleep in while he could, and quietly got dressed. No wooden foot today; after yesterday’s soreness her leg needed a break. She picked up her crutches and quietly made her way out the door, heading toward the kitchen.

Breakfasts were always sparse at Ericson -- today it was a few handfuls of nuts and berries gathered from the forest, and a concoction of root vegetables from the greenhouse and some edible wild grasses, mashed into a chunky paste.  _ This would have seemed like a feast back when AJ and I were living out of the car _ , Clem thought to herself as she munched the spartan meal.

The others were nowhere to be seen, having already eaten and set about their chores. She could hear the sound of the dogs scuffling in the courtyard. _Probably with AJ_ , she thought, _he loves those mutts._ Clem stoked the still-warm coals in the fireplace, and started to scoop a mixture of herbs into the dented kettle on a grate over the fire -- coffee was a thing of the past, and the group had grudgingly adapted to an evolving mixture of herbs that passed as a kind of tea. The current batch was bitter and had a slightly weird aftertaste, but it smelled pleasantly minty and did the job for providing that kick of something hot and fragrant to drink in the morning. As the water began to boil, she had an idea, and once the tea started steeping she moved outside.

Sure enough, AJ was throwing a ball for the dogs, who chased after it excitedly. Rosie was panting on the ground in one of her customary spots, watching the younger dogs exuberantly racing around the courtyard. Her running days were long past her. Clem sympathized.

“Hey, sport!” she called out to AJ. He’d finally convinced her to give up the nickname “Goofball”, though she reserved the right to call him that at special moments, always greeted with much protest and eye-rolling. He waved and ran over to her place by the door, leaving the dogs to tussle by themselves in the dewy patches of grass. AJ hugged her, and she patted his back in greeting. “Morning, buddy. You fed them before playing, right?”

“Yeah, ‘course. They were hungry today. Mitch-dog kept whining at me when he’d eaten his. I told him, you need to eat slower and make it last longer!”

Clem wiped a smudge of dirt off AJ’s face, which he scowled at but didn’t object to. “You’re one to talk, you always guzzle down whatever Omar puts in front of you at dinner. Sometimes before everyone else has even sat down.”

The boy glanced away. “That’s different…”

“Have you seen Ruby yet? I want to talk to her.”

“Yeah, she was heading toward the greenhouse. Aasim’s getting ready to go out hunting with Tenn later.”

Clem’s hunch had been right -- Ruby usually took greenhouse duty in times of stress, and this was no different. “Mind helping me carry a few things? I could use an extra set of hands.”

The pair went into the kitchen and gathered up a few tin cups that Clem tossed into a bag she hung over her shoulder, and the tea kettle-- “Careful, AJ, that’s hot. Use a pot-holder to carry it. And hold it upright so it doesn’t spill.”

“I know that, I’m not dumb…”

“Hey, watch the sass.” Tea implements prepared, the two set off toward the greenhouse. On their way out the door, AJ shouted, “Mitch-Dog! Vi-Dog! Here!” and the two dogs hopped up and raced ahead, tracing circles around the pair and stopping to sniff curiously at the same bushes and stones as they did every day. 

As they made the short walk to the greenhouse, Clem tried to gauge AJ’s expression as he carefully balanced the hot kettle. “Did you sleep okay, buddy?”

He looked pensive. “Yeah...I slept okay, I guess. Rosie was on the floor, but she’s really smelly. And she farts a lot. I kept waking up and smelling it. It was gross, I had to put my whole head under the covers.”

Clem shrugged. “She’s an old dog. Don’t judge, someday when you’re as old as she is in dog years you’ll probably smell bad and fart a lot too.” AJ’s nose wrinkled at the thought, and Clem segued into the topic that she knew was on both of their minds. “So...when you woke up last night, was it because you were thinking about Willy leaving?”

AJ stared ahead, making sure not to trip and spill the kettle on the uneven ground. “Yeah…” he muttered.

Clem prodded him for an answer. “What do you think about the whole thing? You’re part of the group, and if it comes down to a vote, your opinion counts too.”

“I don’t know...that’s what I was trying to figure out.” AJ’s face was deep in thought. “I think you were right that Willy should decide for himself what to do, but I also think Ruby was right that it’s really dangerous out there, and him going outside the school might be a bad idea. I mean, you always said that the first rule is to never go alone. And that’s exactly what Willy wants to do! I don’t think you should break the survival rules just because you feel like it…”

Clem glanced down at the spot where her left leg ended. “I don’t know...you broke the rules when you cut off my leg, and that saved my life. Maybe not all of my rules were the right ones.”

“Yeah...I thought of that too.” AJ sighed. “But on the other hand, maybe it’s not as bad out there as we think. We haven’t seen as many big hordes of monsters passing through as we used to, maybe there’s just less of them out there now. And we don’t know for sure if the wars are still going on.” AJ glanced at the tops of the distant trees as they approached the rusting greenhouse gate. “It would be good to know more about what’s around us, in case we ever get attacked again and have to leave the school. Where to hide, and what’s nearby”

Clem nodded. “That’s a good point. We’ve expanded past the old safe zone, but not much. It would be useful to know the lay of the land, and Willy could tell us that.” She glanced again at her missing foot. “Although let’s hope we don’t have to do any running through the woods any time soon…"

AJ was in thoughtful silence a moment longer. “If Willy does leave, he’s coming back, right?”

“He said he would. I really hope he does.”

They’d reached the entrance to the wall surrounding the greenhouse, and Clem eased the squeaking gate open. Ruby was inside, at the other end of the small grassy open space in front of the greenhouse itself. Clem realized she’d been sitting near the small dirt mound where they’d buried Ms. Martin’s corpse years ago. Turning to face them, Ruby looked tired, but not angry as she had the night before. “Hey, Clem...AJ...”

Clementine gave an awkward wave. “Good morning…” She indicated the tea kettle that AJ held gingerly in front of him. “Peace offering? I think we should talk.”

Ruby nodded, as if she’d been expecting this conversation, but was grateful for the gift. “Yeah...that sounds like a good idea. Last night...didn’t go quite how I hoped.”

Clem turned to Alvin Junior. “AJ, thank you for helping me carry the tea, you can set it down over on that stump. We can take the things back when we’re done. How about you take the dogs back up to the main building. Those pups look like they still have too much energy, you can go run them some more. And see if Louis is awake yet.”

AJ set the tea gingerly down on a nearby flattened tree stump, then whistled to the two mutts and sprinted off towards the main part of the school, the dogs bounding beside him in animal joy.

The two women were left alone on the grass, unsure of where to start. Ruby cleared her throat. “Louis still in bed, then?”

“He was when I left, yeah.”

“I swear, that boy could sleep through a hurricane.”

“It comes and goes, but yeah. He definitely sleeps heavier than me. I...didn’t sleep too well for most of last night.”

Ruby sighed heavily, and Clem could see that her eyes were red, and she looked exhausted. “Yeah...me neither.”

They sat down on the grass next to the stump that was serving as a makeshift table, and Clem pulled the two cups out of her satchel and started to pour.

“Thank you for the tea,” muttered Ruby, “I haven’t had any yet. Woke up early, didn’t have any appetite, and just...came down here.”

“I had a feeling I’d find you here.”

“It’s where I go. When I need to get away from the rest of the group, and be alone with my thoughts. Just me and the growing things. It’s soothing.” She glanced back at the patch of earth where Ms. Martin was buried. She didn’t say anything about paying her respects, but Clem knew that that was implied.

Ruby took a sip of the herb tea, still warm but cooling from when it had first boiled. She stared at the top of the tree stump as if counting its rings, and then whispered, “So...I’m sorry about how I acted last night. I got really angry, and I took it out on you.”

Clem shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize. You had a right to be upset. I totally get it. And, for the record...I actually agree with a lot of what you said.”

Ruby was staring at a patch of clover on the ground to Clem’s right, while slowly rotating the tin cup in her hands. “You were right about Willy,” she murmured, “And I think deep down I knew you were right even last night when we were fighting. I may not agree with Willy’s choices, but he’s old enough by now that he oughtta be the one making them. And god knows I can’t really stop him if he decides something other than what I think is best.” She glanced at Clem’s face for the briefest of moments, then cast her green eyes down to the mug in her hands. “I just got scared, Clem. About what might happen to him. And when I get scared, I get angry. It’s just how I deal with things. I guess that’s what put me in this godforsaken school in the first place.”

“I totally get that. And I’m glad you stuck up for your point of view. To be honest, I agreed with a lot of what you said too.”

Ruby hesitated. “...Thank you.”

Clem set down her own cup of tea. “I’m sure Willy didn’t mean what he said when he compared you to Lilly. You’re nothing like her. But...I do think you were acting a little bit like Marlon.”

Ruby looked up, surprised. “Marlon, really?”

Clem nodded. “Yeah. Like how he insisted that everyone stay in the safe zone, never letting anyone explore outside an arbitrary line on the map. His heart was in the right place, but he was so concerned about keeping everyone safe that he wasn’t thinking about the big picture, and in some ways he made things worse. ...Sometimes I see some of that in you.”

Ruby’s eyes grew hard. “I would never do what Marlon did to us. Never.”

Clem thought about Sophie, who she’d never met, and Minerva -- bloody and insane on that fateful bridge, the whistling arc of her axe swinging towards Clementine’s ankle. The memory made her shudder involuntarily, and she regretted the comparison. “I know you wouldn’t. Sorry. You and Marlon are different people, and his mistakes aren’t yours. I know you’d never betray any of us like that.”

“No, it’s okay...I know what you meant.”

Ruby thought silently for a moment, then looked up to make eye contact. “We’ve taken care of Willy here since he was a little kid, you know? And he’s nearly grown now. And that’s just...really weird to see. All the younger ones...God, Tenn’s nearly a man now. I can’t hardly believe that. And AJ’s still little now, but you know he won’t be far behind.”

“Try telling him that. If anything, I think he’s frustrated that he’s not growing up quicker. He and Tenn are still friends, but...it’s different now, and that must be hard for him. Going back to being the only kid around.” Clem sipped at her tea, which was rapidly cooling but still clinging to a hint of warmth. “AJ’s got a ways to go yet, but you’re right. Some day he’s going to grow up. And if he decides to leave and go his own way, too, I’ll have to stick to what I’ve said and respect it...but that’ll be hard...really, really hard.” 

Ruby gave her a skeptical smirk. “I don’t think you need to worry about that too much, Clem. I know I threw that at you last night, but we both know he’s not going anywhere. After everything you’ve been through, there’s not a chance in hell he’d ever skip out on you. Or of you abandoning him. You two are basically attached at the hip.”

Clem smiled. “You’re probably right.” She glanced again at the stump where her leg ended, and mentally batted away an image of AJ with that same axe raised over her limp body in the barn. “At this point, if I was bit three more times and we had to chop off all my other limbs, he’d probably start carrying my torso around in a backpack to keep me out of trouble.”

“God bless his heart.” The two both giggled in spite of themselves at the grim image they’d conjured. “I think Louis and his stupid jokes have rubbed off on you, Clem.” 

“It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to keep the tradition of Louis’ terrible jokes alive.” Ruby laughed at that. As the two women’s embarrassed chuckles mingled, it felt like the wall put up by their argument last night was falling down. It felt good to laugh together again. As their laughs subsided, Ruby sipped her tea again, and her face turned pensive.

“When did we become the adults?” she asked. “Like, how did that happen?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes…” Ruby gathered her thoughts. “Sometimes it feels like this life has taken so long, that we’ve been surviving like this for an eternity, and everything before the walkers happened a million years ago. And then other times, it’s like no time has passed at all, like we were just scared, little “troubled youth” yesterday, and now we’re...here. The grown-ups.”

Clem thought about the groups she’d traveled with, and her long time traveling solo with the baby. “I guess it was different for me...I was traveling on my own from such a young age, and I had AJ to take care of. I suppose that puts it in a different perspective. I had to keep both him and myself alive, with no help. At least you all at the school had each other, a whole group to rely on and pitch in with raising Willy and Tenn and the other young kids.” 

Ruby nodded in agreement distractedly, her train of thought clearly still at work.

“Christ, is this what being a parent is like? Is this how  _ our _ parents felt? Like a bunch of scared kids in grown-up bodies they didn’t really know how to use, watching the kids they raised grow up and start figuring out how to be grown themselves? Back when I was little, I thought my parents knew everything there was to know. Were they just making it up like this? Were they this...scared?”

Clem considered this. “I think so. I think they must have been, and just didn’t tell us. Maybe that’s what being a parent is. You figure it out as you go along, and hope your kid buys the act and turns out okay.”

Ruby was silent for a long moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was a trembling whisper. “I just really miss my mom…” She sniffed heavily, as if startled by the emotion she was suddenly displaying, and turned away to hide her watering eyes.

Clementine paused for a moment, then without a word, she set her mug down and, leaning on the tree stump for support, maneuvered herself across the grass toward Ruby and pulled her into a hug. Ruby held back for a moment, then relented and returned the hug, throwing her strong arms around Clementine’s light frame, and leaning her face against her shoulder. For the second time in twelve hours, Clem stayed wrapped in an emotional embrace with a dear friend, though this time she was the supportive figure, rubbing Ruby’s back gently while feeling the tears bubbling up behind her own eyes. “I know…” she murmured, “I miss mine too.”

They stayed huddled together on the grass, saying no words, with the sounds of wind in the trees and the distant birds mingling with that of Ruby’s long-withheld cries.

After a short while when her tears had finished, Ruby broke away and wiped her face on her sleeve. “Sorry,” she muttered, “that’s been building up for a while. And you know how Aasim is -- he’s big on brains, but he’s not very good with emotional stuff. He keeps it all inside usually, which is what I end up doing too.” She took a few deep, moist breaths and tried to steady herself. Clem reached over and rubbed her shoulders supportively. 

“It’s okay. I think all of us are going through stuff these days. How could you not, you know?”

Ruby sniffed, and rubbed more tears from her cheeks. “Yeah. It’s just really hard, you know? And I keep feeling like I have to be strong, like I have to hold this place together, but I don’t really know what I’m doing inside.”

Clem nodded sadly. “Believe me, I know how that feels. And for what it’s worth, I think you’re stronger than you think you are. You’re a real leader to the rest of these kids.” 

Ruby scoffed. “Everyone knows you’re the leader, Clem. I know you don’t like to hear that, and we’ve never made it official, but we all know that when the shit hits the fan, you’re the one we all turn to.”

“I know...But that kind of leadership is different. People look to me in tough situations because they know I’ve been in them. I can think tactically, I know how to survive against a threat. But when it comes to the day-to-day leadership, the necessary stuff that gets us through the week, you’re way more of a leader than I am.”

“Oh, come on.”

“No, I’m serious. Organizing everyone and their duties, keeping them on task, inspiring them. You do way more of that kind of leading around here than I do. Hell, look around at this greenhouse. You were the one who took charge of getting it back into working order. Sure, I can scrounge for food, or stage a battle plan, or kill walkers -- well, not so much anymore, but I could before -- but I couldn’t operate this place nearly as well as you do. This school isn’t just a hideout anymore -- it’s a community. And a healthy one, that is really rare these days. And so much of that is thanks to you.”

Ruby looked surprised, but deeply flattered. “I guess I’d never really thought of it that way…”

“The other kids really look up to you, Ruby. Even the older ones. Seriously, you don’t know how much Louis admires you. And...so do I.”

The two women looked each other in the eyes, each feeling a surge of appreciation and love for the other. The moment passed quietly, but significantly.

Clem gave Ruby another gentle squeeze on the shoulder. “And with the other stuff -- you know you can always talk to me, right? We’re the only two girls in this group, we have to look out for each other.”

Ruby smiled through what remained of her tears. “Right. Honestly, I’m surprised we don’t talk more. I mean, we talk, but you know. Not about this kind of thing.” She looked up gratefully. “Thank you, Clem.”

Clem adjusted her position on the grass to ease the pins-and-needles feeling in her remaining foot. “Any time. And if nothing else, I’ll go send Louis to knock some sense into Aasim. You two are a couple, and he should be more supportive when you’re going through hard times.”

Ruby chuckled. “He is, don’t get me wrong! Just...not always. He never was big on dealing with emotions, his or anyone else’s...But I like him anyway.”

The two women sat, and listened to the birds chirping in the nearby woods as Ruby finished drying her eyes.

Ruby took a deep breath and sighed heavily, in the tone she took before tackling a challenging task. “Okay…” she said, “So if Willy’s gonna leave, then Willy’s gonna leave. I still don’t like the idea, but we’re a group and we stand together and support our own. I can do that.”

Ruby helped Clementine to a standing position, and they started gathering up the cups and tossing out the last of the cold, leftover tea as they discussed the next steps.

“So...do we talk to the group first, or Willy alone?” Clem asked.

“I think both at once. Tell everyone that we’ve come to an understanding, and I’m willing to put my support behind Willy’s decision. With the condition that he agrees to certain provisions.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I think we set him a time to come back by. And ground rules for safety while he’s out there. God knows if he’ll actually follow them once he’s over the horizon, but at least we can put the idea in his head of how to conduct himself.”

Clem nodded. “Sounds fair. I’ve got a few non-negotiables of my own to give him.”

Ruby’s resolve seemed to falter. “You don’t think the group is going to think less of me, do you? For going back on my position from last night?”

Clem shook her head. “They’ll think you thought about it from another angle and changed your mind. I think that’s admirable.”

“Well, I hope you’re right about that.”

Clementine saw the nervous energy in her friend’s eyes as she considered the implications of the whole situation. It was an anxiety she knew well. Clem tucked her right crutch under her arm, and reached out to squeeze Ruby’s hand supportively. “Hey. We’re a family. And when we’re on each other’s side, we can do anything.”

Ruby smiled weakly and squeezed Clem’s hand in return, and the two women began the walk back up the hill to the school together.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ericson group plans for Willy's coming departure. Clementine gives Willy some survival advice, while carrying on an old tradition. Afterward, the group sends Willy off with a bittersweet goodbye.

The group gathered for a meeting later that day, and Clem and Ruby told everyone together that they’d reached an agreement, and Ruby was willing to support Willy’s decision unless anyone else had objections. They looked around, but no one raised a hand to object. After a brief discussion, they agreed to give Willy their blessing to leave, and agreed to offer as much preparation as he needed to travel safely. The mood was one of relief at the debate not turning into a full-blown rift, but also of bittersweet sadness at having to say goodbye to their friend.

Willy himself seemed both relieved and grateful to have the group’s blessing -- Clementine suspected that her fear of him running away in the night had been a more likely possibility than even she had guessed. She wondered how much of Willy’s plans Tenn had been told about, but decided the answer to that was a private matter between them, and it was none of her business to ask.

The conversation turned to travel prep, and the prospect of providing Willy with whatever limited survival supplies the school could spare. But in the discussion of meat jerkies and ammunition and traveling clothes (fortunately it was a humid summer, so cold weather clothes wouldn’t be a concern), AJ interjected with a point that he wouldn’t back down on.

“I know Clem said that not all of her rules were right,” he started, “but the first rule was Never Go Alone. That was always Number One, and I don’t think he should break that one.”

Clem was the first to respond. “But, AJ, who else would go with him? We’ll be short-handed enough as it is just with one less person around, and besides, I think the whole point is for Willy to do something on his own. Right, Willy?”

But AJ continued before Willy had a chance to nod his agreement, “I know that. I didn’t mean one of us. Isn’t it obvious? Obviously he should take one of the dogs with him. For protection. And as a lookout.” Everyone agreed, wondering why they hadn’t thought of this idea first. Things at the community would be a bit trickier with only two dogs in good health, but they agreed that Willy would need the companion more. Rosie was immediately ruled out due to her age and infirmity, and they quickly settled on Willy bringing Mitch. The two had an affinity for each other already, and the connection with the dog’s name and the original Mitch -- who Willy had always looked up to and been close with in life -- felt like a sign.

As the conversation wrapped up, Clem pulled Willy aside. “I’m giving you my blessing,” she said, “but on one condition.” She looked him up and down momentarily. “You’re...probably not going to like it.”

~~~

The stream burbled through the woods past the old fishing shack. It was the next day after the group agreement to make plans for Willy’s departure. Clementine surveyed the area -- no sign of walkers nearby, and the forest was humming with its sounds of “business as usual”. Insects hummed and buzzed, birds chirped, and a light breeze blew through the trees. The day seemed peaceful, and everyone’s ears were subconsciously tuned to the sudden animal silence that would signal the approach of unwanted strangers, either walker or human. Louis and AJ were standing guard a little further down the stream. Louis was attempting to teach AJ to whistle with the blades of long grass that grew by the banks, but Clem could see that their attention was split on watching the surrounding woods for enemies. The two younger dogs were sniffing around the bushes and rocks that lined the water’s edge.

Willy appeared in front of her carrying a low stool that Clem had asked him to fetch from inside the shack. “Just put that down next to the porch”, she told him. He did, and looked at the stream with no enthusiasm. 

“Do we really have to do this?” he asked.

“Uh-huh. That was the agreement -- you get the group’s support to go on your trek alone, as long as you meet our conditions, and this one’s mine. Besides -- it’s tradition. Now: go dunk.”

Willy acquiesced by pulling off his shirt, hanging it on the rickety railing of the cabin’s rotting porch, and ran the short distance to the stream. As per Clementine’s instruction, he waded into the water, took a deep breath, and dunked his head under the surface. After a few seconds he came up, shaking the water from his long mane of hair violently, like a shaggy dog after a bath.

“Make sure you get it wet all the way around, the back too,” Clem called from the shore. “And I don’t want to know how long it’s been since you’ve done this!”

Once Willy’s matted, tangled hair was thoroughly soaked, he shook off again and made his way back up to where Clem was leaning on the porch fence, her prosthetic on today, and her crutch propped next to her. “It’s cold!” he said. Despite the complaint, he looked refreshed from the cool water, and his eyes were smiling. 

“Better get used to the cold, adventure boy. No more sleeping in a nice enclosed dormitory for a while.”

Willy toweled off his dripping head and shoulders with a large scrap of fabric they’d brought. “I can handle cold. I barely feel it.”

“Sure. Okay, sit down.” Willy sat down on the stool, and Clem opened up the bag she’d brought and brought up the tool she needed for this operation -- a rusty but functional pair of scissors. She adjusted her position against the railing behind Willy’s stool, balancing between her remaining real foot and the fake one. “This might be a little awkward,” she muttered to herself, “but I can make it work.” Then she took the scissors to Willy’s wet but still unkempt mane, and started to cut.

She spoke as she snipped large chunks of hair from the younger boy’s head, “The first rule of survival out there is to keep your hair short. The longer it is, the more chance of it getting grabbed by a walker or an enemy, or getting it snagged on something. I used to have long hair like yours -- although I don’t think mine was ever this long. Back when all this started, when I was just little, my friend Lee gave me a haircut and taught me lessons about how to survive. That was when he taught me how to shoot a gun. So that’s what I meant when I said it’s tradition.”

Willy listened quietly. Over the years he and the rest of the Ericson kids had learned that when Clementine told stories about Lee Everett, it meant the subject was of particularly grave or significant importance. The man that none of them had ever met or seen had taken on an almost mythical reputation among the group as the ultimate symbol of wisdom and protection. Anyone that their hyper-competent leader Clementine spoke so highly of must have been a hero indeed, and his name was invoked rarely, and almost reverently.

Clementine continued. “Stay away from cities, they’re too dangerous. You’ll do better living off the land anyway. Keep moving -- places that might seem safe out there aren’t protected like the school is, so don’t stay anywhere for longer than you absolutely have to.”

“I know,” Willy replied, paying close attention, “I wasn’t planning to get stuck anywhere.”

Clem mentally checked through the list of survival rules she’d established with AJ during their years on the road. “If you have to shoot, aim for the head. But you know that one. And only fire as a last resort -- bullets are precious these days, and a gunshot makes too much noise, it could attract more trouble than you’d solve.”

Willy nodded. “I’m better with a bow anyway.” The group had agreed to give Willy a pistol, one they’d scavenged from the remains of the Delta attack years before. But over the years ammunition had run scarce, and the group had switched almost entirely to bows and traps for hunting and walker defense, only keeping a small stash of firearms in case of an onslaught by raiders. 

“If you come across a walker herd, just turn around, they’re not worth messing with. But if you get cornered by a herd and absolutely have no other way out, you can pass through them by cutting open a walker and coating yourself in its guts to mask your smell. They’ll let you walk right through, but move slowly! Any sudden movements can attract their attention.”

Willy nodded and sat quietly, and Clem tried to interpret his silence, noticing the tension in the way he sat.

“Are you nervous? About leaving?”

He tensed up slightly more at being caught. “No. I told you all, I can handle myself. I’m the one who decided to do this, I’m not scared of what’s out there.”

Clem’s eyes narrowed. Even as a child, she’d always been good at knowing when she was being lied to. “Bullshit. You’re afraid of it, I can tell.”

Willy’s response was quiet. “...Are you still going to let me go?”

Clem softened. “Buddy, I figured out pretty quickly that we wouldn’t be able to stop you. Not if you really wanted to leave. And that’s what I told Ruby. Look…” She adjusted his perch on the chair, to work on the side of his head. “it’s not just about being capable. For what it’s worth, I think you’ve got the skills to make it out there. But it’s also about being sensible. It’s okay to be scared. Honestly, if I believed that you weren’t nervous at all, then I’d agree with Ruby and say you were being foolhardy. Fear keeps people alive. Well...sometimes.” Her expression darkened. “Sometimes fear is the thing that kills them.”

Clem kept hacking away at Willy’s seemingly never-ending hair. “You’re probably going to run into other survivors. Be careful, okay? Don’t trust strangers right away, you never know when they have other motives or they’re just lying.” 

“I got it. Basically: other people are dangerous, don’t trust them.”

Clem stopped cutting, and considered her response to this statement. “I...I’m actually not saying that, Willy.” He turned to look at her, surprised. After all the stories she’d told the group of violence and death, and their own losses at the hands of marauders, he was surprised to hear her object. Clementine shifted her position to look him in the eye. “Look…” she said softly, “It’s dangerous out there, we both know that. And strangers can be a big reason for that danger, and obviously I don’t want you to be reckless. But, at the same time I don’t want you to just assume that you can’t trust anybody just because they’re strangers to you. Or that anyone outside our group is automatically an enemy. That’s how communities turn into cults, or groups like the Delta, where they act like they’re at war with anyone outside their own walls. And I don’t want that for you, or for any of us.” She paused for a moment.“Maybe that’s why I was secretly glad when you said you wanted to explore. Part of me feels like we’ve been cooped up in this school for too long. And it’s great here, and we have each other, and it’s a home. But homes don’t last forever...I’ve learned that the hard way too many times. And so, maybe it’s good that one of us is willing to go outside and maybe make other connections. Find other people, and if we’re lucky find good ones, who we could even join up with someday. Every group is scared, and trying to survive, but if there’s a way forward in this world, it’s not about hiding in our own corners just in case everyone else it’s out to get us. I think it’s about making connections. And it’s hard to know when it’s safe to do that. And sometimes it doesn’t work out, and you have to know when it’s time to leave, but sometimes...sometimes it can end up being something really good.”

Clementine took a breath. She realized she’d been talking for longer than she meant to, and went back to work on Willy’s hair. “I don’t mean to confuse you. Obviously the most important thing is to be safe, and don’t just assume anyone’s okay because they seem nice at first. Trust me, first impressions can be deceiving. But I want you to feel like you’re able to choose to trust people. Just trust them because they’ve given you a reason to first. …Does that make sense?”

Willy looked deep in thought, and nodded. “I...I think so.”

Clem looked up toward where Louis and AJ had now moved on to trying to skip stones (unsuccessfully -- AJ was trying to convince Louis that you can’t skip rocks across moving water, and failing to notice that Louis was still doing it specifically to wind him up.) “It’s like Louis says: There’s no point in surviving if you’re not also living. Avoiding people automatically might be how we survive alone, but sometimes, trusting people who don’t act or look like us is how we live.”

With a last few snips, Clementine finished Willy’s haircut. “I think we’re done”, she announced. Willy stood up, wiping his body with his hands to brush off the hair that had stuck to his wet skin. A pile of wet, dirty hair the size of a small animal lay piled on the ground next to the stool. Clem stepped back to look at the result. The haircut was haphazard and choppy -- she’d found that cutting hair while negotiating one foot, a wooden leg, and a rotting porch railing for support was harder than it looked -- but it had done the job of getting it short. Clem grimaced at the mismatched patches and places where she’d misjudged the length she was aiming for (“ _ Now I know how Javi probably felt that time he cut my hair in Richmond” _ , she thought), but had to admit that the unfinished look sort of suited Willy’s scrappy personality and his lopsided smile. 

Willy ran his hands over his head, marvelling at the difference from his previous mop of messy hair. “It feels really different...I haven’t had hair this short in a long time. I guess I’ll get used to it.”

“It’s...a little choppy, sorry. But it’s for survival -- you’re not about to enter any beauty contests. Go show Louis and AJ. They’ll want to meet the New Willy.”

Willy pulled his shirt back over his head, and bounded down the bank of the stream toward the other two. Louis grinned and gave a thumbs up, and AJ looked at him quizzically, trying to reconcile the new silhouette around the familiar face. The dogs approached and ran circles around him, jumping up to lick his face in greeting. As Clementine put away the scissors and picked up her crutch to join the others, she reflected on the young man in front of her. Willy looked lighter than she’d seen him in months, and he seemed energized by his approaching departure.  _ Ruby was right _ , she thought,  _ he’s a grown-up now. _ A flicker of the doubt she’d expressed to Louis several nights before crossed her mind again.  _ I just hope he’s ready. _ As she looked at the lean, boisterous young man playing with the dogs by the river bank, an optimistic feeling came over her.  _ I think he’s going to be okay. _

~~~

The next several days were spent in preparation for Willy’s departure. They loaded a backpack full of food and supplies for him. Dried meats and jerkys, a large canteen for water, and a kind of pemmican that Omar had concocted from venison and dried berries that would keep over a long time traveling. Aasim told everyone of a phrase he’d once read about in a book -- “Going on Walkabout”, a Australian term for a traditional rite of passage where a boy journeys through the wilderness alone as part of becoming a man. The term had seemed fitting, and the group adopted it as the name for Willy’s plan. “Willy’s Walkabout”. 

The night before Willy’s Walkabout was to begin, the survivors held him a goodbye party of sorts in the music room -- an echo of the “Hootenanny” that Ruby had thrown the night before the rescue mission to the riverboat years before. The mood was somber and bittersweet, but everyone at least made an attempt at cheer in honor of their friend. Louis insisted on serenading him on the piano, with several un-requested encores. Willy’s health and luck was toasted with a potent and truly disgusting home-brewed liquor made from fruits and berries, which everyone abandoned after the first few throat-burning sips. (AJ had asked to try it, but Clementine flatly refused. “Not until you’re at least eleven, and that’s my final word.”)

After the underwhelming toast, the group came forward with small gifts and tokens to aid Willy on his walkabout, and to remember them by. Tenn had drawn a portrait of the whole group in front of the school -- his art skills had improved over the years, and the likenesses were impressive. AJ gave him a nasty-looking knife that he’d sharpened himself from a flattened tin can -- “Just in case”, and Omar handed over a hat that he’d found in a closet somewhere in the school. It was a faded tan fishing cap with a few tattered holes around its brim, but Willy smiled keenly at it despite the shabby appearance. “This is almost perfect,” he said, “but I know just what it needs. Hey Tenn, got a pen with you?” He then whispered conspiratorially in Tenn’s ear, and the tall artist’s eyes lit up and he went to work decorating one side of the round cap. After a few moments, he finished and displayed the embellishment -- a large, stylized letter ‘D’ identical to the one on Clementine’s signature ballcap. Her “adventuring hat”, as the group called it, was now peacefully gathering dust in AJ and Tenn’s bedroom. Willy plopped the fishing cap on his head, and the group applauded. Clem laughed and felt a surge of pride. “That old hat stayed with me through a lot of close calls,” she said. “I hope yours doesn’t have to work quite so hard at being lucky.”

~~~

Willy’s last morning at Ericson came quietly, with a soft early-morning mist hanging low over the school grounds. It had been agreed that he should leave early, to maximize the daylight and find a safe place to make camp before nightfall. That morning, Clementine woke to find Louis already awake and dressed. Louis waking up before Clem was a rare event, and she almost made a teasing quip about it, but the somber look on his face showed that even he was in no mood for jokes today. She looked softly into his sad eyes and signed  _ I know _ at him before getting dressed and going outside to see Willy off.

One by one, the survivors gathered in the courtyard for their goodbyes. Willy wasn’t outside yet, presumably making last-minute checks to his gear and supplies. 

Ruby and Aasim stepped out of the dormitory building, and Clem could tell that once again she hadn’t slept. Ruby’s red face was stoic, and she looked like she’d been crying, but was refusing to let her emotions get the better of her again. As they stood waiting for Willy, Aasim was holding Ruby’s hand supportively. 

Tennessee was sitting on a bench away from the group. Despite his height, his energy had turned back into that of the introverted boy he’d once been, and he sat hunched in on himself, his face concerned and disheartened at the prospect of his friend’s departure. AJ, who at first had been waiting near Clem and Louis, moved to sit next to Tenn on the bench. He said nothing out loud, but clearly was putting himself nearby as a source of support in case Tenn needed it. Clem felt a small surge of pride at the boy for making this quietly compassionate choice.

Then Willy himself emerged from the dorms, wearing his backpack, the decorated cap, and a worn but sturdy coat he’d been given for the journey. He glowed in the misty morning light, and his expression was conflicted -- a light of adventurous excitement behind his eyes, but regret and nerves painting the rest of his features. There was a moment where nobody breathed upon seeing him, then Willy set down the backpack and started moving around the group to say his goodbyes. 

The farewell hugs were long and tight. Omar and Willy exchanged a complicated handshake that the boys had worked out years before, and Louis grinned and gave a convincing show of nonverbal support. Tenn hugged Willy for so long that the others started to think he wouldn’t let go, and when he finally broke away, there were visible tears in his eyes and he walked away from the group to let loose a quiet, choking sob in a semblance of privacy.

AJ as a rule didn’t like to hug anyone other than Clem, but substituted a fist bump, which he executed with significant and serious eye contact. “Just remember the rules we taught you,” he cautioned gravely, “and you’ll be safe. You gotta be.” 

When Willy got to Ruby, there was a tense moment of standoff between the two; it was the first time they’d been face to face since their argument. But then Ruby broke the divide and pulled him into a tight bear hug. “You promise me you’ll be careful out there, Willy. Promise. You know I don’t feel quite right about this, but we’ve talked about it and agreed, and if it’s what you have to do, then it’s what you have to do, and I’ll support that. But you’ve got to come back to us safe, you hear? You come back to us in one piece.” Willy returned the hug. “Okay,” he whispered, “I promise. I’ll be back before you know it.”

When he came to say goodbye to Clementine, they hugged and she patted him on the back. “I know everybody’s saying the same thing, but be careful out there. Keep your eyes and ears open at all times.”

“I will,” he responded. “And Clem?” He pulled away and looked her in the face. “Thank you for sticking up for me. I...I really appreciate that.” 

She smiled. “Thanks for growing up to be the kind of person we could believe in.”

The time was growing near. Willy walked over to Rosie’s customary sleeping spot. The aging bulldog was up and pacing, clearly aware that something was different about today. Willy gave her and the other dogs a warm farewell. Marlon and Violet jumped around him, excited but also clearly sensing the tension in the air from the humans. Willy spent extra time scratching Rosie’s chops, and muttering, “Hang in there ‘til I get back, old girl. I don’t want this to be the last time I see you.”

Once Willy had finished with the dogs, there was a silence. Everyone knew the inevitable moment was coming, but couldn’t decide whether to delay it or get it over with. “Well…” Willy said out loud, “I guess it’s about time.” He lifted the backpack to his shoulders, adjusted the hat on his head, and whistled to Mitch, who trotted after him as they moved toward the school gate. Violet started to follow, but Omar caught her by the collar and held her back. “Sorry, girl” he said while petting her, “You have to stay here with us.” The dog whimpered, looking after her brother in confusion.

As Willy and the dog approached the gate, he suddenly stopped, and turned to take a last look at the school grounds. He stood there for a long moment, looking up at the vine-covered brick buildings and trees that had been his only home for over a decade, nearly as far back as he could remember. His face looked torn, and as Clementine watched, she wondered for a moment if he was about to change his mind. But then he took a heavy breath, swallowed his emotion, and looked at the group with a smile.

“I’ll miss all of you. I love you. And I promise I’ll come back soon.”

Clementine gave him a nod of approval. “We believe in you, Willy. Make us proud and come back safe.”

Willy grinned back at them with a confident glint in his eye, then he shifted the pack on his shoulders, turned and walked out the iron gates of Ericson. He whistled a command to Mitch, who followed obediently.

The group gathered against the gate, waving and calling out their last farewells, as Willy and the dog walked across the clearing and towards the surrounding forest. Their farewell shouts died away as he moved further out of sight. Then, just on the edge of their vision, they heard him call, “Come on, boy!” and break from a walk into a run. The boy and his dog ran with joyful abandon between the trees and through the glowing morning mist, until they finally disappeared out of sight.

~~~

The Ericson survivors stayed and stood watching the horizon long after Willy and Mitch had passed out of sight, together but alone with their own thoughts. A mingled fog of both pride and sadness settled over the group. After a while, they quietly left the gate and went about their chores and the business of the day. No one spoke for a long time. Barely more than a few words were said aloud until the rest of the day had passed, and the afternoon had faded into a warm and humid night. 

~~~~~~

The End


End file.
